Chesed
by SirPapillon
Summary: Chesed; the Hebrew word for "kindness." It is also commonly translated as "loving-kindness," or "love." McGee readies himself for vengeance, but someone stops him. Angsty, Romantic, Sad Oneshot.


**Just a sad little oneshot. I know, I know...**

* * *

McGee crouched in the shadows by the old jail house. Wedged between a dumpster and the wall, he cradled the shotgun in his arms, double checking the amount of slugs in the weapon. Despite his cool gaze on the firearm, his hands were shaking, and beneath the black ski mask, his lips were quivering. Tears had long since soaked the dark cotton as wildly red and distraught eyes peered out from sunken sockets. He took a deep breath and listened. Through the window just over his left shoulder, he could hear the lone police officer snoring, most likely reclined in his chair, boots on his desk.

The young agent remembered the jail vividly. It's harsh and degraded exterior lent nothing to the 'mom'n'pop' style coziness within; an atmosphere McGee never thought could reside within a detention facility, no matter how small or rural. It reminded him of the jail in Mayberry, where Andy Taylor and his deputy Barney Fife would sort out the miniscule issues of an even smaller town. But that, of course, was television.

McGee focused his hearing beyond the snoring, and could just make out the two occupants behind the bars speaking quietly to each other. Their voices were just noises, but they made McGee's blood run cold. Not only because of what they had done, but because of what he was about to do. The young agent sniffled, stifling a sob, and stared at the safety on his shotgun. He was about to move, when a voice interrupted him.

"Tim."

His eyes shot up, and he nearly brought the weapon up with them.

"Ziva?"

His partner cooly rounded the dumpster and stood across the alley from him, arms akimbo.

"What are you doing, McGee?" She asked sadly, shaking her head in a disappointed fashion.

McGee grit his teeth, barely forcing words through them.

"What needs to be done."

"Why must it? Could you not let the courts decide?"

McGee shook his head, staring at his boots.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because they are murderers."

"They are not. They did not pull the trigger. The man who did, you killed already. The one who-"

"But I couldn't save-"

"It is revenge, you seek then?"

McGee pulled the balaclava from his face, his tousled hair pointing in all directions. If it weren't for the seriousness in his eyes, she would have laughed. He looked so young, so lost, and yet… so dangerous. She took in the sight of her partner. His boots sunk into a puddle of grime by the dumpster, and the stuff seemed to be clinging to his dark clothes. From the neck down, he looked like a killer; someone she would have seen in Mossad. But this was Timothy McGee, not an assassin. But, actions dictate identity.

"Don't you want revenge too, Ziva?"

His voice was a sob of a question as more tears fell from his eyes. Ziva frowned.

"Oh, McGee…" She said softly, stepping towards him, wanting to gather him in his arms and tell him everything would be ok. It killed her to see him like this, but the events of three days prior had led to this. But, she knew it wasn't ok, and it never would be again.

**Xxx Flashback xxX**

The MCRT pulled to a halt in front of an abandoned warehouse on the outside of the small town. A tipoff had led them here, where three men, speaking simultaneously to McGee and Ziva earlier that day, had announced the location of the murderer of a petty officer. The two agents had gathered the information from the three witnesses, alerted Gibbs, and thanked them.

After McGee verified their suspect's location, which confirmed the three men's suspicions, the team sped out to apprehend their suspect.

Everything went according to plan. The doors were breached simultaneously. They had good angles of fire. They had the element of surprise. Or so they thought.

The suspect went down in a hail of gunfire from the team as he attempted to raise his pistol towards them. Just as they began clearing the warehouse, two of the witnesses that Ziva and McGee had spoken to appeared; with shotguns trained on the group.

The agents called to them to drop their weapons, which after several tense moments, they did. Words were exchanged. Then, as the team moved in to cuff the 'witnesses' a shotgun blast blew apart the world of the MCRT. An agent fell. McGee whirled, and fired, sending a near molten hollowpoint round through the head of the third man. When McGee faced his team again, his world died.

**Xxx End Flashback xxX**

"I have to do this, Zee. I have to."

He clung to the shotgun with one hand, the ends of his fingers barely suspending the weapon as his shoulders hitched, tears streaming down his face. Ziva stepped beside him, leaning her back against the brick wall. She too, could hear the men inside.

"This is not how it should be done, Tim."

McGee couldn't look at her.

"Then how should it?"

"Not like this."

"But, they killed-"

"It does not matter."

She spoke firmly, grasping his shoulders and turning him to face her.

"I have sought revenge in the past. And it does not bring solace or comfort. It will not bring you peace. For you will be a murderer, just like them."

"No."

"Yes."

"Why did things have to happen like this, Ziva?"

The Israeli shook her head, then looked up through the alley to the stars, taking in their beauty. One shone brighter than the rest.

"Do you see that star, Tim?"

McGee wiped his eyes, then looked up, nodding.

"Orion." He whispered.

"The one in the center of his belt."

McGee nodded again as Ziva lay her head upon his shoulder. As he felt her cheek, he began silently sobbing again, gazing through his tears at Orion, his mind racing to memories of the fallen agent.

"In Israel, we call it Kesil. A giant angel. Just look to Kesil, Tim, and you will know what you have lost, will always be there with you."

Ziva pondered what she had just told her partner, remembering how her father had told her the same when Tali had died. Ziva too, began to silently cry. McGee wrapped his free arm around Ziva's waist, giving her a tight squeeze. They gazed longingly up at Kesil for a few moments in companionable silence.

"I loved you, you know." He whispered.

"And, I loved you."

Ziva was startled by a sniffling chuckle, but she could tell it was the kind of laugh so common in the desperation of depression.

"Funny, how we never said anything about it. You know, to each other. To late for that now."

"I find it more sad."

"It will kill me for the rest of my life, Ziva." He turned her to face him, staring deeply into her eyes.

"Why did you have to die, Ziva? Why? I… I bought this for you."

McGee pulled his sleeve back, revealing a thin silver bracelet with the Hebrew word, חסד, or chesed, meaning 'loving-kindness' on it. Ziva gasped when she saw it, bringing his wrist up closer to her face so she could examine it. Her tears blocked her vision.

Tenderly, she intwined her fingers in his gazing into his tear filled green eyes.

"Kesil will show you, that I am with you always. My love, is with you always, Tim."

Softly, she wrapped her arms up around McGee's head and buried he face in his neck. Tim, dropping the shotgun to the ground, did the same, snuffling sadly as he whimpered.

"Don't go Ziva. P-please don't go."

Ziva's heart broke a second time that week as she pulled them apart, and they shared their first and last kiss beneath Kesil beside the jail.

When McGee opened his eyes, Ziva was gone, but her scent still lingered on his clothes. He knew he would catch wisps of the scent for the rest of his life. Wiping tears from his eyes, he looked to the heavens, finding Kesil, and for the first time in days, smiled.

Stooping, he picked up the shotgun, examining it carefully. The voices of the prisoners had died down, and McGee took a deep breath.

His thumb flicked the safety.

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**Ok, yeah, I'm sorry. Just came to me...**

**And I purposely left out what he clicked the safety on the gun to. That's for you to decide. And by the way, I have not forgotten about my story 'In His Veins'. Life has been insane, and I've been working on the next few chapters and am just tweaking it. So bare with me please!**


End file.
